So, my dear frens, it’s been a whiles since Fontavius put pen to paper. This years harvest has got Fontavius all twidipatted. First it looked like the onion harvest was gonna be early, then the skies dried up, halting the onion harvest. Then the tomato crop was looking to be late due to the late planting. Well that didn’t disappoint….it’s late. Then the okra plants seemed to be going absolutely nowhere, and now they has overtaken the garden. It does keep the weed down though. No, not that kind of weed. I leave that kind of growing mischief to Jim Bob. He swars it’s the best weed in Putnam county! Grandpa would be laughing his butt off hearin’ someone braggin’ about growin’ good weeds! But I digress…
So Fontavius got himself some books on tape to make the time go by as I’m pulling weeds, and making small talk with the crows. I got one of the Sony Walkman, ‘cept it’s not a Sony brand, it’s a Emerson, and it’s not really a Walkman but a mini 8 track player, which I put in a backpack and play my books on tape. And…..I don’t need to duct tape anything! Amazing times we live in folks. Amazing times indeed. So anywho, I get myself to the library and get me some books on tapes from the dustbin area downstairs that they call an “archive”. Now Fontavius well aware of what a chive is. A flavorful member of the onion family…delicious fresh or dried in soups, stir fry, and Nachos. And if Fontavius wants to be playin’ a prank on Jim Bob, I put a little chive in his stash! Not his mustache, but you knew what I meant, and don’t tell me your mind didn’t go there right away. But I digress… So this dustbin area, in a place called the Chive section…is where Fontavius finds himself all kinds of good books. This time was no exception. Books get Fontavius to thinking, and I been thinking so much after reading the last two book that I haven’t listened to any other books in over a month!
So the first book I listen to on this last go around was a book titled, “Sybil”…it’s about a girl with 16 different personalities! From artist, to scolding mother, to carpenter, etc. Amazing book. She talks to her doctor, then one of the personalities intrudes and commences to bitch out the doctor and Sybil! It’s like a self contained soap opera with all the drama!!! And all this time Fontavius thought I was the only one talking to hisself!!! Wooo-heee! Kindred spirits!
Then, still all excited to have heard about Sibyl, the next book that Fontavius hears is “He is Her” and is about a man who identifies as a woman. But not just him. They talks about all kinds of scenario like a woman who identifies herself as a man, a woman who identifies herself as a cat (I never knew that could be for reals!), a man who identifies as “neutral”, not a man or a woman, sort of like David Bowie, The Early Years. Then there’s the boy who identifies hisself in the plural, as in “they like macaroni and sardines”…”they” being Bobbie Joe. Fontavius got hisself so confused that I had to rewind that part. Of course it didn’t help that I was also chasing the crows barefoot in the field. Damn crows.
So this whole trilogy of books got Fontavius mind fermenting. And I came to understand what Fontavius mind is all about! I’m like 3 people locked up in one body!!! So it’s sort of like Sybil, but not like a football team full of Sybil’s, just 3 of Fontavius…..me, myself and I. What a revolution in Fontavius mind!! His, himself, hisself! See how that works? Wonderations will never cease. So, though Fontavius is of one gender, a member of the Johnson family, Fontavius can identify as 3 different Fontaviuses! Or is it 3 Fontavi-eye? I never took latin, except that one time when the judge said something about modus operandi and corpus delecti, but that’s another story from a long ago time. Me, myself, and I! His, himself, hisself! Wow! And just like that, Pooof….mind blown!